Captcha-ing the Spammers

I get a fair amount of spam on this site; less than most, but significant enough to be a problem. Most of it is trackback spam which, by design, isn’t an easy thing to combat, but Drupal does a decent job of things.

Comment spam, on the other hand, has been giving me a headache or two, and not in the way that you think. You see, Drupal does catch most if not all of it, but it also overzealously picks up real people’s comments (and as you can no doubt see, I have far too few of those as it is!), just like my last CMS, Pivot.

Like in Pivot, I’ve decided to implement Captchas, which basically means that you’ll have to answer a silly question at the end of the page before submitting your comment, in order to prove that you’re a human (and then hopefully the spam filter won’t eat up your message until I find it in the approval queue a day later).

Thanks to the Captcha Pack module these questions are quite varied. I haven’t used the most common image captchas (like you’d find on a blogspot page, for instance) because I don’t particularly care for them, and prefer the text questions instead.

I sometimes worry that some of the math questions might be a little too much for some people… But, then I ask myself, “Do I want those kinds of people commenting anyway?”

Captchas: defeating spambots and idiots since 2000.

Of Girls and Pirates

Girls are neat-o
They're like men, only with boobies & irrational mood swings.
Girls like other girls because the can go shopping together
Boys don't like other boys because they're all poopyheads.
poopyhead
Except if they're pirates, in which case they're awesome.
awesome pirate
I would go shopping with a pirate even though he's a boy
First of all, he wouldn't call it 'shopping' -- he'd call it 'plundering'
We'd go to the mall in his bitchin' galleon
we wouldn't use the door
we'd buy t-shirts with ironic slogans on them
Then we'd totally plunder a slurpie
Sigh... I wish I knew a pirate...
Girl Pirate
Arr -- The End.

Notes

Good things usually come from comment threads on Dan’s blog. Usually these discussions include Elephant Porn and other high arts, but in a recent open thread the basic script of this came up as a comment (or three) by me. Almost instantly I thought it would make a good comic, and decided to attempt it the minute Spyder pointed out that today (the 19th) would be International Talk Like a Pirate Day. How could I resist?

Truth be told, this was actually going to be my rough sketch for the comic, and was done in my little notebook. I had intended to do it on a bigger sheet of paper, but by the time 4am rolled around I abandoned that idea. It was coloured, as usual, in the GIMP.

MY backside is aching from sitting in this chair all day wrestling with the graphics tablet, and I’m sure that over the next few days several aches and pains will show up, but all of those have been nullified in advance by the huge grin on my face. I hope you enjoy reading this comic as much as I did making it; it’s probably the first finished one I’ve done since, well, 1993, I think (it was called Super Monkey, of course).

Far too long to have stayed away from a medium I love so much. It won’t be another 14 year wait for the next one.

V

Norton and Fenroy’s Most Excellent Used Book Dealership

Savant Booksellers SketchThe further illustrated (and mundane) adventures of Mister Savant! Still after books, this time he seems to be negotiating the price on a tome. Typical, the man is so obsessed with cheap and obscure paperbacks when he should be trying to get his hosts to part with their hats!

This drawing started off in my 15x18cm notebook with a vague idea in my head late one night, and so I ended up tackling it a little differently. I didn’t thumbnail or roughly draw in the entire scene, instead finishing the pencils on one character entirely and then moving onto the next.

The result is apparent (to me at least); the quality and styles of the figures vary wildly. Savant (back to us) was drawn in first, hence the lines are tentative and ‘noodly’, lacking definition. The short man (is it Norton or Fenroy, I haven’t decided) came next, and by now I was warming up and starting to have some fun; the snow globe hats, for instance, were a last second addition. The pink fairy was next, and since her pose was somewhat unconventional the lines are a bit uneven here too, although I’m happy with the way she turned out.

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In order to fill the rest of the space I wondered if I should perhaps draw in some background material such as stacks of books or shelves, but since I’m not very comfortable drawing backgrounds (and I’d already drawn more than enough books in Mister Savant’s Stupid Quest for the Book Whose Name He Simply, Well.. Forgot!), I decided a couple more figures might fill in the page nicely. I had the most fun drawing these two figures, namely the tall man and Sophie, and I think it shows. The lines are the most confident here. Indeed, the visual difference between Savant and Sophie makes me a bit uncomfortable, but I didn’t want to rub it out and start over. It’s only a sketch!

The second fairy was added in as an afterthought as I had by then decided on having no background elements whatsoever, and to put in some kind of chandelier or something in that space to balance the composition would have seemed out of place.

As usual with my sketches, I left in the construction lines. I scanned it in and coloured it in GIMP; just a simple flat colour pass and one for adding in dodge/burn highlights and shadows. Not the most elegant job I’ve done (probably has something to do with the fact that I only used fuzzy round brushes) but satisfactory.

I like doing these Savant sketches. They’re a lot of fun and even as I completed this one I thought up a bunch more to do. I like them even more when they have a bit of colour on them. I’ve mostly always been a black-and-white sketch person, leaving colour for more finished pieces, but I’m starting to see its merits even in quick work. Also it’s one more place to practice colour theory and hone my skills.

I think that on the next ones I should definitely ‘rough in’ the scene before going to finished pencils to avoid those awkward style changes. Im not practiced or proficient enough a cartoonist to even have a style yet, so I should remember that warmup time is needed.

Oh, and next time I promise he won’t be doing anything boring.

V

Around the House

Hainan Herbal TeaSony Ericsson K500 Phone on sofaAgarbatti standClothes peg on WindowCamera and Mannequin

Swamp Crash, the Second

Swamp Crash Sketch, v2The last time I visited the swamp, things were a little different. Now, as you can see, the neighbourhood has developed a bit with proper buildings and nicely made roads (er, their somewhat unconventional building material notwithstanding).

Don’t assume that this urban renewal has done anything for the property rathes, though. Sure, the locals are friendly, will greet you with tooty grins (and they can’t wait to have you for dinner), but it’s sill a swamp that is prone to space ship crashes. Parking’s a bit of an issue, then.

My first sketch was in a notebook size, and I was very happy with it. I knew there was a lot that could be improved, and that the final illustration would be on a larger paper. So for this second try at it, I drew it on an A4 sheet. Also, this time I didn’t ink it in; the larger space allowed me to put down more pencil work without ending up with a grey mess (the main reason I ball-point inked the last one).

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I’m not very happy with this sketch. The temples in the background certainly add intrigue, but much of the drama and atmosphere of the first sketch — the fact that very little could be seen in the shadows — was gone. The crashed space vessel’s new position allows me to show more of the wreckage, but it a finished piece the detail at play there may take away from the main part of the illustration, which is the two space exploreres and the monster. Also, the ‘camera angle’ of the image still needs to be made more dynamic and tightened up.

I find that I’m still a little too used to drawing small; as you can see the edges of this sheet are barely drawn in, and the people and the monster at the centre are much smaller in proportion with the whole page than they were in the first sketch. There was, admittedly, an attempt to make the scope of the image bigger in this, but that is only partly responsible of the small figures.

I think I might do one or two more goes at this before the final. One of them should be coloured in, as I haven’t experimented with how that will affect it (honestly, I hadn’t even decided on whether or not it would be a colour or black-and-white picture until now). That decision will affect how the final pencils or inks are done.

Oh well, live and learn, practice makes perfect, etc etc.

V

Scrambled Eggs, Indian Style

Scrambled Eggs, Indian Style.

Burji is an Indian Railway Station institution. Throughout the country, stands with sizzling cast iron griddles serve up plate after plate of this stuff with soft, butter-seared pillows of pav bread late into the night. You shovel it off steel plates, sopping up every last bit with the spongy bread, and perhaps contemplating another serving (or even eyeing the tray of sheep’s brains which the stall also prepares in a similar way.).

It’s hard to say which came first; the silky, creamy Continental version of scrambled eggs, or this spicy Indian one (anda bhurji). It’s fair to say that both could have cropped up independently, and I’m certain that scrambled eggs were invented before the omelet (everyone tries to pass off a failed omelet as scrambled eggs when they’re learning).

I like both versions; they each have their purpose. The Indian, for instance, wouldn’t be the best match with buttered white toast and ketchup, and the Continental would not take to chapattis very well. They’re both easy and quick to make (though this one requires a few more ingredients), and are equally scrumptious.

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Recipe

In a heavy bottom pan, heat a tablespoon of olive oil on a medium flame, and add in one clove of garlic, sliced or minced, and one thumb-sized green chilli slit down the middle (you may scrape away the seeds to reduce its heat, and remember, in India at least the smaller the chilli the hotter it is). Finely dice a medium onion and add it to the pan; sautee until translucent (I know some people who like it still crunchy, and some who prefer it brown and caramelised. It’s up to you).

Take a tomato that’s a little smaller than the onion and dice it large. If you’re using cherry tomatoes you can simply halve two or three of them. When the onion is cooked add the tomato and sautee further.

When the tomatoes are cooked, add a pinch of turmeric powder. Good turmeric is strong, so use sparingly, and use a spoon to dispense it if you don’t want your fingertips to turn yellow for a few days. The rich, deep yellow colour that results from adding it is something you’ll want to replicate in all egg dishes, and so turmeric may be used in omelet mixes as well (just dissolve it in a teaspoon of milk or water so that no lumps are fomed).

Along with the turmeric I also add a little chilli powder. The powdered red chilli adds a different kind of heat to the sharper fresh green chilli, and when used in tandem they give a more rounded spicy taste.

Note that adding in curry powder instead of turmeric may be okay but I wouldn’t advise it. Curry powder contains several other spices such as coriander and cumin that would interfere with the generally clean and simple taste of the eggs.

Sautee for a minute until the spices take to the onions and tomato. Turn the heat up to high and add in a quarter cup of water, bringing it up to a simmer.

(A Side Note: This mix you have in the pan right now — before you add the eggs — is a very versatile one, and is sort of like the ‘trinity’ they use in Cajun cuisine. From this point, you can pretty-much add anything to this and come out with a good dish. Green beans. Mushrooms. Strips of Chicken. Tuna. Spinach. Paneer. Boiled, diced Potatoes. Tofu. Broccoli. A drained can of beans. Seafood. The list is endless, and what you’ll end up with can be called a bhaji. Anyway, back to the burji…)

If you like, you can break all your eggs into a bowl beforehand and beat them as you would an omelet mix, seasoning that with salt and pepper. I just season the onions and tomato and break the eggs in whole, scrambling them in the pan one or two at a time with a wooden fork. Either way now is the time to add in 4-6 eggs, depending on their size (i.e. 2-3 per head).

Stir the mixture around until the eggs are cooked. That water we added earlier will make the burji crumbly and more like mincemeat rather than creamy scrambled eggs. You can keep it creamy by omitting the water, beating the eggs up with some milk beforehand and not cooking them as much, but in general this is how burji is prepared in India. Finally, plate up and garnish with finely chopped cilantro.

Serve immediately with either chapattis or spongy bread that has been buttered on one side and seared on a pan (soft baguettes work well).

Eggsplicitly Speaking… (and not)

I mentioned before that the basic preparation of onions, tomatoes, garlic and chilli with turmeric is a base for a lot of dishes — bhajis — in Indian cuisine. If you’re vegetarian in the Indian sense then you may substitute crumbled paneer for the eggs, and end up with a popular dish called paneer burji. It’ve also had a similar paneer dish where the tomatoes and onions were pureed instead of whole (blitz the raw ingredients seperately beforehand, then fry as above), and the dish was finished off with cream for a strangely italian-tasting dish that might have gone well with the right kind of pasta.

Indeed, even this kind of burji might make a nice variation on Chinese Egg Fried Rice, if made in a wok with cold cooked rice put in just before you add beaten eggs.

I’ve had proper scrambled eggs much fewer times than burji. Chalk it up to the more pungent taste and the fact that it is easier to get right; you can prepare it without obsessing over it. It also works as a good lunch or dinner for one, and it firmly fits in the category of Comfort Food for me.

Perhaps it’s the memory of late nights coming home in Bombay, hungry and tired, when the only things open are the hawkers outside the train stations; islands of enticing aromas lit by kerosene lamp beacons. In the pool of their turmeric light, many a truly great meal has been had.

allVishal.com Has Been Redesigned!

allVishal.com Redesign Banner

After months of slacking off, I finally got round to doing something I should have done way back in March: I’ve redesigned the site’s look!

When I switched over to Drupal I used the Minnelli template, a default template that comes with the program. Don’t get me wrong, it’s a very nice and functional template, but being a graphic designer and using a standard template on my own site is a bit… well, shameful.

It took me a few hours yesterday to come up with a design that’s been more or less stewing in my brain for ages. It took the better part of the last 24… well, 32 hours for me and Samir — well, mostly Samir — to convert it from a graphic in Inkscape to a working HTML and CSS template.

This is the first time I’ve worked with the guts of Drupal, and it’s been an illuminating experience. In my previous CMS, Pivot, a lot of the functions were handled in the backend’s configuration, which meant that the template was more of a ‘wallpaper’ and it would take me about a day after it was ready to get all the right settings done in Pivot admin to make it look like what I wanted. Drupal is far less, um, guided and that is really it’s strength. You can pretty-much do anything with this CMS if you know enough PHP programming (I do not). You can probably run an entire small country using Drupal.

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Unlike most people, as a old school techie I warm to complex and highly tinker-friendly things like this. In order to get the words ‘read more’ and ‘2 comments’ to work right and reposition them in the right place, we’ve had to put in a dozen or so lines of PHP code, most of which sounded like Greek at first, but have now started to make some kind of sense.

The final result is a design that is 99.99% exactly like the Inkscape mockup I made yesterday — usually in the conversion things don’t always look quite the same — and it’s certainly the tightest, most finished layout I’ve done so far.

I like it — I like it a lot, actually — and it’s a lot more functional than the older one. Post categories, for instance, have been moved up to under the title of each post, and no longer jostle for space with the ‘read more’ and ‘comments links like they used to (Amit, you should find it easier to read. When a post was under several categories that area would get really messed up).

Please note that since I’m not an idiot I don’t use Internet Explorer, and this design may not show up correctly in IE. It has been tested in Firefox and is rendered correctly in Mozilla browsers. I know that in IE6 the Journal graphic on top doesn’t show up well; it may be better in a newer version, but I figure that jumping through hoops (and trust me when I say it’s like pulling teeth) to get something to work there is only encouraging Microsoft to continue to make crappy non-compliant browsers.

So there.

There are now two sidebars while still retaining the same width on the main content, so now you don’t have to scroll halfway down the page to see the recent comments (but you all subscribe to the Comments RSS feed anyway, don’t you? Hmm?). I feel it’s a better use of the space, and it allows me to have more important things like that picture of me giving you a big, loving smooch on every page.

*mwah*

Believe it or not, this is only the third custom template I’ve ever done for one of my own sites. I’ve actually used more templates by others than my own! Some of you may recognise these:

iLevel layout by Vishal K Bharadwaj, circa 2004This design was on the old iLevel page, my first non-blogger blog. It came in around 6 months into my using that site which ran Greymatter. I did this design on vacation in India on a 166Mhz Pentium 1 laptop with a wonky power cord, uploaded over a 56K connection. It was my first experience with CSS and was great! I still love this layout and may end up reworking it as a standalone free template for other people to download and use someday. You can even read all the old content from that time in the ilevel.prohosting section of the journal (there are some nice photos there. If you’ll recall, iLevel was almost exclusively a photoblog).

allVishal.com layout by Vishal K Bharadwaj, circa 2006This was the template I used on my last free host, and indeed it was the template that the site was running until March 2007. I was using Pivot as the CMS for a year or so — and used a slightly personalised version of the popular Kubrick template — before designing this one (hmm, spotting a trend here). While I like it I’m not really in love with it anymore; it doesn’t quite reflect the site. Again, it might return someday as its own thing.

If you’re wondering why I didn’t just use some of those old looks (I don’t think they’ve gotten old or outdated) it’s because the site as it is now would not be best suited by those templates. The look of a webpage is a very important thing, and it should complement the content and the personality of the author in order for the site to grow. allVishal.com is not iLevel, nor is it the site that it was a year ago. Sure, the journal (that used to be the blog) has all the old content for archival purposes, and it will continue to have photos and sketches and strange musings, but a website is more than just a blog for me, and I want to explore all of those possibilities. This new layout will be a better canvas on which to do that.

I’m actually one of those old crones who remembers a time before blogs, when we just had websites, and believe it or not those were wonderful things in their own right. I love the blog medium, but to solely focus on it and forget everything else the internet and the HTML page is capable of is like abandoning books because magazines and newspapers have been invented (I stole this analogy from my brother, amongst several other things).

Anyway, I hope you like this new layout (tell me if there are any bugs!) and now that I’ve decided on a visual look I can get to work on the rest of the site’s content!

V

Breaking the Waves

Here I am, getting ready to take another welcome trip to the land I call Home, and I’ve realised that I haven’t even shown you any pictures from my last trip! It was a pretty good one too, with a few days spent outside Bombay, during which these pictures were taken.

Breaking the Waves 2

Hariharehswar is about half a day’s drive South of Mumbai city, and along with nearby Shrivardhan it forms a nice place to get away to. The reason most people will go is because of a temple there, but my greatest memory of the trip will have to be the beaches.

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Now, beach culture is not a big thing in India the way it is in the West. Being a country with a distinct hangover of Victorian morality tends to make sunbathing and bikini-clad beachcombers a bit of a no-no; sure, you’ll get to see tons of them naked goras romping around Goa, but in the rest of the place, even cosmopolitan Mumbai, beaches usually involve fully-clothed people hanging out, splashing water on each other, and eating a lot of snack foods. Harihareshwar, meanwhile, is in the middle of nowhere and is surrounded by fairly conservative villages, so I don’t think they’ve even seen a bikini except on TV*. It didn’t matter, really, because nobody in our group knew how to swim anyway, and the beaches themselves were huge

*(It seemed like every house big or small had a satellite dish)

Breaking the Waves 1

Looking through the hundreds of pictures from that trip, I note that we didn’t end up taking many that showed the sheer scale of the shores. Mostly I think we just gave up, because you can’t really take a picture that properly represents it. I’m talking relatively untouched, mutiple kilometre long stretches fifty metres wide here. The sand is dark and ranges from smooth to coarse. This beach, for instance, an unnamed and almost empty stretch (there were no snack food vendors, but there was one cow) had sand that I’m sure, given enough wading, would blast years of dead skin off you. There was this other one that was literally fenced off by a near-impenetrable three storey high jungle and studded with millions of little shells. All told we may have actually stopped and looked around four of the dozen or so beaches we passed on the way.

Best. Beaches. Ever. (even without the freedom to run around naked, but give it time. Maybe in 20 years all this morality will finally be behind us and ‘Indecency’ will reign supreme, as it should)

It makes me very sad to realise that I don’t live in a little hut just off the frame.

Breaking the Waves 3

V

PS A big thank you to Kiran and Swarupa for the use of their Minolta Dimage 8 megapixel prosumer thing with its gorgeous large lens, which all of these pictures were taken with.

Mister Savant’s Stupid Quest for the Book whose Name he simply, well… Forgot!

Mister Savant's Stupid Quest for the Book whose Name he simply, well... Forgot!

This pic is both in Sketch Machine and Illustration because it started off as a pencil sketch in my little notebook, and by the time it was done I figured I might as well colour it up in the GIMP.

I did a bit of cleanup to the pencil work, which was actually a lot harder than I thought because I couldn’t just erase things like construction lines without destroying the texture of the paper that was also scanned in. So, I ended up using the clone brush, and it worked out. I mainly got rid of, as I said, construction lines (which I never bother to erase until I ink something) and especially Xaria’s eyes, which were originally open but horribly done.

I have left the construction lines in on the typography, however, mostly because I think it adds character to it and contributes to the sketch/underground comic art look that I love.

Or I’m just lazy.

V

Vishal vs Apartment

Vishal K. Bharadwaj, circa 1986, in the balcony of his family's apartment in Ghusais, Dubai. Photo by either Keshav or Sneha Bharadwaj.
My mother let me draw on walls. It was 1986, I was three, and we were living in a one bedroom apartment in Ghusais, back when there was nothing there except for a block of already decrepit government flats, Al Mulla Plaza (closed because of a border dispute), and a procession of electrical towers between there and Sharjah.

She got a lot of flack for it, of course. Neighbours would come round and wonder why on earth I was still alive after such a heinous crime, and then look worryingly at their own children as the young ones gaped at the sheer audacity of the red and green scrawls, their eyes luminous with the shock of seeing freedom, tolerance and understanding — and of course, whimsy — for perhaps the first time in their fragile lives. Several adults vowed never to bring their children into contact with my parents, not the first and certainly not the last time that was said to them.

The rationale my mother offered — since the simple truth of “Why not?” was far too much for others to bear — was that since it was a rental, once we moved out the landlord would paint it for the next tenant anyway as per the local norm; if the landlord objected, she was gladly willing to pay for the painting herself. They never objected, but I would have liked to see the look on whoever came to that apartment after we had gone. The building itself was torn down sometime in the 90s to make way for a compound of houses.

It was the only place I ever drew on the walls, and even I am not sure why exactly. The rationale to my three-year-old self probably had something to do with not wanting to waste paper, and the fact that if I drew straight on the walls it would forego entirely the costly and time-consuming framing and hanging processes.

Mostly I just wanted to draw, and my parents wanted great art on the walls, for which I gladly obliged.

Vishal K. Bharadwaj, circa 1986, at the door of his family's apartment im Ghusais, Dubai. Photo by either Keshav or Sneha Bharadwaj.

Fluffy Slippers Man

coloured sketch of a man wearing fluffy hotel slippers, carrying a shopping bag

You see some strange things at the mall. Most of the time it has to do with fashion accidents and, in the case of Dubai, kiosks selling ridiculous looking real estate, but once in a while you spot something you’d swear came out of a Katsuhito Ishii movie.

Take this guy, for example. Fairly normal looking white guy: shirt, loose trousers, glazed-over, pre-weekend look in his eyes, bag of shopping and… fluffy bathroom slippers?

I hope it was some kind of subversive fashion statement, but chances are that either his pair of snakeskin moccasins were off at the cleaners, or he was just too stoned to know what he had on.

V

Madness Averted

script frenzy 2007 winner graphicWhew!

Just under the wire, but I made it! I have now officially reached the target on one of these internet writing marathon thingummies. While there were weeks of inactivity and times when I was forced to work on other things, I was able to put some good — but mostly crap — words to a page, and reach the 20,000 goal.

I’m still not satisfied, however, because the story isn’t finished. No, try as I did, the words ‘FADE OUT. THE END’ were not in my script; in fact, there is a really long way to go.

I could have, of course, rushed it and tried to stick to the 20K goal like a good trooper. Probably I would have been able to tell my story — a bare-bones version of it, anyway. As it stands now I seem to have grossly underestimated the size of the story. It’s not the simple little fantasy fairy tale as I had imagined it, but it sort of still is (who knew that two people in a room would need more description than a massive battle between armies?). It’s taken me 20,000 words to get to the point that I would imagine as being 15 minutes into a two-and-a-half hour movie.

I’ve also discovered that the story doesn’t quite work as a movie anyway. Some of you may shout ‘Trilogy!’ at this point, and I’ve mulled that over too, but there just aren’t any good break points to make it into such a beast.

I suppose the best thing it could be is a miniseries of some sort, but all of this speculation is useless at this juncture, because it’s a barely complete less-than-first draft version of a story that has many, many holes in it. I will continue writing it, if only because I’ve set it up as a project with which I have no expectations of showing it to anyone for, like, ever, so I can be as messy and incoherent with it as I want to be (lots of descriptions that go, “she has teh big boobz hehe” and “whoa, its all ‘splosionz!”).

If it ever shows up, then it will be in some kind of visual form. A graphic novel, perhaps, seeing as I have no access to a studio (animation or otherwise) who would be foolish enough to produce my work.

Not yet, anyway (evil laugh).

More stuff about writing soon, including the inside story of a Savant tale I’ve been putting off for a month in order to write this Script Frenzy thing. Hope you’re all being creative. I miss youse guys.

V